Thursday, October 11, 2012

"What the Hell is a 'Du Mak'?"

For many years, European exploitation, especially the horror movies (Argento, Bava, Fulci, et al) have always had a following.  They tended to have the higher caliber of known names in the West, better production values, and that non-stop bevy of Euro-beauties. And there's been a fair few glimpses of the Aussie exploitation scene over the years, and volumes of movies that made up Sunday afternoon Kung Fu Theater (though I don't include the Shaws in this, I mean more along the lines of Black Belt Jones 2: The Tatoo Connection).  But most often overlooked is the wild ride that was the Filipino exploitation market.

Whoa nelly.  For over the top nonsensical non-stop bizarre action, from hand-to-hand to machine gun and grenades combat, with liberal littering of jiggling titties, the low budget Filipino scene can be hard to beat.

The cardboard sleeve aka. the former face of brain-frying freedom...
Raw Force (aka. Kung Fu Cannibals, 1982) has...well...just been adequately described above. Just go back and reread the last two sentences. It makes almost no sense. It has frequent action scenes with lots of slow-motion frequently on things that require none and a whole heapin' helpin' of jiggling titties.

Fresh off SNL fame, Ackroyd's career takes a bizarre turn...
The action begins when the Hitler clone of the linen suit set trades a shipment of prostitutes to a bunch of strange monks on a remote island for a treasure trove of jade.  When one of the girls, who've all been stripped, doesn't pass the monks' requirements, she's dispatched by...well...a white guy in white face in a kimono with a samurai sword.  You may want to reread that again just as you might want to rewatch this opening at least 3-4 more times while pinching yourself to be sure that it's all real.

This photo of John Holmes in short-shorts was cropped for decency...
From there we meet a trio (I think) of martial arts guys who are hopping a cheap southeast Asian cruise in the hopes of a chance to go to Warriors' Island. Naturally, there is also on-board an Asian cook who's actually a martial arts expert and a female SWAT team member. And the captain...oh, the captain, is played by one Cameron Mitchell. Cameron Mitchell was a well-known American actor in the 1950's who then did a slow-slide down the quality pole, first to the Euro-exploitation market and then on down to...well...Raw Force.

This is a family blog, so instead of titties, I give you this.
Anyhow, after the introductions of characters I couldn't distinguish between a few minutes later, the ship makes port in a city.  At the local whorehouse, linen Hitler, who we learn is a jade merchant (Aha!) shows up to warn one of our heroes away from Warriors' Island before sacking the place to collect more whores for the monks (Aha!).  Then, we turn to a titty bar where a fistfight breaks out. Then,  we turn to a birthday party where a bunch of titties break out.

This is easily 20 minutes worth of gratuitous nudity. A pre-internet era teenager's dream.

"I not only star in the film, I'm its biggest fan!"
Back to the action, linen Hitler sends his goons (whose costumes I refuse to reveal, you must see the movie and send me interpretations) to stop the ship before it messes up their plans.  Gratuitous nudity gives way to gratuitous violence as passengers and goons meet all kinds of strange deaths.  One of filmdom's worst fire effects sends our heroes and poor, poor Cameron Mitchell into a life raft set adrift on the seas, which naturally is "hundreds of miles from any shipping lanes."

Vast is the sea of dignity lost...
I would bet that you can't guess where they just happen to make land.  If you guessed Warriors' Island, then go get yourself a sheet of gold stars, take one off, and put it proudly on your chest.

From here, I don't want to give away too much. Not that I have to worry about it. If you can't figure out that the heroes win, then I'll suggest you've been hidden away from basic story-telling your entire life.  However, save for the white guy in the kimono,  I have not, as of yet, mentioned that this is in fact a zombie film.  I was just as unsurprised as you are.  And you may have noticed that above, I did mention an alternate title for this film, Kung Fu Cannibals, but have not as yet mentioned how cannibals fit in.  Any guesses?

Make-up effects provided by Monkees' Mike Nesmith's mom...(look it up)
Well, you'll simply have to watch Raw Force yourself to see just how many more gold stars you win.

A visual approximation of my joy upon viewing this film...
Give yourself a whole sheet if you randomly guessed that the dreaded and almost certainly non-existent "Asian Piranha" would first be randomly mentioned by a character, which would almost certainly necessitate it's (stock footage) appearance by the end, would it not?

Some promises are better left unkept...